Eternal Sorrow, Borrowed Time
by ChemRom
Summary: The story of the final teen years of Sakura and Syaoran before they become mature adults. First chapter, Sakura is left behind. Why would Syaoran do that?


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in my story and all that other jazz. This story may contain scenes that may disturb or otherwise offend sensitive readers so please, if you believe you're a sensitive reader stop right here.

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry love. I have other obligations." Li held looked down to where he held her hands in his. His hands were so dry and full of calluses from long hours of sword practice and manual labor, hers had the texture of a princess, well moisturized and smooth.

"Yeah... But tonight was supposed to be a night for us. You said it would be." Sakura was upset. She didn't like being second in Li Syaoran's life. Especially when the person being chosen before her was someone she didn't particularly like.

"It was a night for us love. Until your father said he didn't want you going to that party. I promised Mei Ling we'd go... I promised her that we'd spend some time with her tonight, and you should know that I'm a man of my word. Besides, it's already 11pm. It's not like I'm going to be spending a lot of time with her. I just told her that I'd catch up with her after we were done and I'd drop her at home." Li Syaoran shook his sadly. He didn't really want to leave Sakura behind but a promise was a promise. And spending an hour at the party with Mei Ling wouldn't kill him; he just had to give her a little attention and then drop her at home. Besides, Mei Ling was family and he'd spent over 5 hours with Sakura today and even if it never seemed to be enough, it'd have to do for tonight. Especially if cutting their night short with one hour would save them a lot of annoying drama their lives.

Sakura didn't look up and Li hated leaving her like this. She meant the world to him, if only she could see that. No, he knew she saw it. If only she believed that love was enough, like he did. In one last hopeless attempt he took her chin in his hand and raised her face so that she was looking into his eyes. "I love you with all my heart." He said to her softly. Her eyes broke contact with his and she replied in a soft voice. "I love you too." He felt like his heart was breaking because of the way she reacted and when he kissed her goodbye it felt sad and empty and he felt a deep crack appear.

Sakura sighed softly, as he got in his car and gave her one last look and a small smile. She didn't smile back and as he left and she only blew him a half-hearted kiss. She knew that she loved him just as much as he loved her, if she didn't love him more, but her mind was so muddled with thoughts and pain. She pulled her jacket tighter around her shoulders despite the warm night air and she headed inside the house to where her father would be waiting for her.

Syaoran sped down the road, the street lights flashing a staccato beat as he passed them. The ref of the car was running high and he shifted. He turned a corner with high speed, making the tires scream slightly in protest. He was angry... Angry at himself, at Mei Ling and at Sakura. He just wished that Mei Ling would understand that he had a girlfriend now and that he wasn't there to jump whenever she asked, but he knew that if he confronted her about it, it could only mean trouble for him. He reached the place and parked his car a little ways away. They were asking money at the gate for parking and he didn't have a cent on him after that bouquet he had bought Sakura for their _5 month_ anniversary.

He quickly climbed out and locked the doors, double checking to make sure that everything stayed that way. If only he could fight something again... heck, anything would do. Something he could focus his anger and frustration on. He walked with a stiff gait toward the club barely giving the bouncer any notice and headed to where Mei Ling was sitting with a bunch of random people at a table.

"Hey Syaoran, you made it!" Mei Ling squealed over the loud music as she flung her arms around him. "And it's about time too." Li put on a tight lipped smile for her. Mei Ling introduced him to everyone at the table, and Li nodded to each person successively, not bothering to listen to the names. He'd probably never see any of them ever again anyway. He found it slightly difficult to breathe.

That was when the text message came through:

"Li, I don't think it's going to work anymore. I gave up everything for you and if you can't do the same for me..."

Li's heart froze. He picked up Mei Ling's pack of cigarettes and took one out, lighting it up and moving over to the balcony, away from the people. His mind was running a mile a minute. He had to talk to Sakura but he had to take Mei Ling home as well. What did she mean that it wasn't going to work anymore? Their relationship? No, he didn't want to think about it. Whatever he did he was going to get slapped from some direction. Why did it always feel like he had to choose between his family and his girlfriend? Both tried to force him to choose, the family always telling him that blood was thicker than water and the family was forever. They said that girlfriends come and go. But on the other hand he loved this girl... and if he had to be honest, more than he loved his family. He knew his father would skin him alive if he ever dared to say that aloud. His father may not approve of their relationship but she was very important to him. He flicked the stub away and moved wove through all the people milling about with drinks in hand, to the parking garage below the club where the booming music was little more than a dull thud.

His hands were shaking so badly that he had trouble typing in her number, but after a few tries he got it and pressed the dial button. She picked up after the third ring. "Hey love." Her soft sad voice came over the line, echoing in his mind. "What's going on sweetheart? What do you mean it's not going to work anymore?" Li asked, feeling his voice crack. "Love, look. I just think that we should... maybe... take a break. That maybe that would be better for both of us until we can figure things out for ourselves." Li felt like he had been hit in the stomach, his breath was taking away just like that. He shook his head, feeling his heart break. "No love. There are no such things as breaks. If you go through with this I promise you it's never going to be the same again. Things like breaks don't solve anything." Li paused as he felt the emotion creeping into his voice and tried to force it be down.

"Look sweetheart. It's not that I don't love you. I love you a lot. So much. It's just that I'm very confused at the moment and I really need to figure things out. I've been having a lot of fights with my father lately and things with my brother haven't been any better." He could hear she was hurting and that even thinking about doing this was hurting her too. "No. Love, I can't live without you. Even the idea..." The tears came suddenly, unexpectedly, and once they came he couldn't keep the emotion from his voice anymore. It felt like swimming up a river; the torrents bashing you against rocky outcrops and dragging you further downstream, and still you swim.

"...I can't do it. I just can't. If we take a break it's only going to make us both miserable for two weeks and when we get back together it'll just be all of the same problems all over again."

"Love... I'm such a bitch." Li shook his head. "No you're not, don't even think that. I love you to much." He said, his voice thick with emotion. "But look at how much I'm hurting you. And I promised myself that you're the one person in the entire world that I would never ever hurt."

Li felt a slight pain in his ear as he pushed the phone against his head so that he could hear every word uttered from her mouth. "It's... okay love. It really is. If you have a problem then you should talk about it."

He paused again and tried to collect himself. "What can I do love? What do you want me to do? Don't I give you enough?" He could hear her tiredness clearly over the phone. "It's not that love. You give me so much. You're perfect. It's just me." Li pushed. He needed to get her to talk about it. "You said that you gave up your life for me? Did you mean that? Would you be better off... without... me?" His voice was breaking and he had to force the words out. "Love, that's not what I meant. It's just... I don't know. There's just too much happening at the same time and I can't handle it all." Li's felt another pain stab through his chest, worse than the last. "Love. You're the only important thing in my life. You give meaning to my life. Without you... without you I was just a zombie. The idea... Just the idea of losing you... I can't bear it. I just can't." The tears came again, pain writhing through his body like a giant ugly snake and constricting around his throat.

"Love, just breathe for a second. Just close your eyes. It's okay. You don't have to talk, just be there and listen. I love you, okay? I really do. I know I said a lot of things tonight but I really really love you." Li clutched the phone and forced out, "I love you too." He tried to take a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Look love. You could come see me. You could just come up to the gate. Just come and say hi for a second, you don't have to come in, after you drop Mei Ling. Okay? Just give me a call when you get here." Li nodded. "Yeah." The cell phone was starting to feel like it was glued painfully to his ear. "Okay..." He took another deep shuddering breath. "Are you sure you're okay? I don't want to say goodbye to you until I know that you're okay." Li shook himself. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then." Sakura said hesitantly. "I'll see you later love."

"Okay... Bye." Li said as he started to move toward the stairs that lead up to the club again. "Bye." Li waited for the click of the phone as she disconnected but it didn't come. He waited a few more seconds, still nothing. "You still there?" Sakura asked from the other side of the line. "Yeah." Li laughed softly. Li could almost picture Sakura's gentle smile on the other side of the line. "You're sure you're okay love?" She asked. "Yeah. I'm sure." Li said. "Okay then... I'll see you soon love." He smiled softly to himself. "Okay my angel. See you soon." This time he didn't wait. Li pushed the red button on the phone and put on a stone face as he moved up the stairs, ducking past a few partygoers chatting on the stairs, clearly having had one drink to many, judging by their cheerful demeanor.

Li made his way back to the table trying to keep his 'mask' on as he went through the conversation in his mind again. He smiled in Mei Ling's direction as she was dancing with one of her friends before heading for the balcony again. The warm night breeze did nothing to refresh him and only made his throat feel swollen. He checked his watch. Almost 12h30am. They'd have to head back soon. After that he'd go to Sakura to sort things out. He was just about to go get Mei Ling when another text message came through. He prayed in vain that it was just one that said she loved him.

"Sorry love. I'm not going to be able to make it past my dad. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Li sighed. He didn't have any strength left in his body, emotionally or physically. It felt like he was drowning in the deepest darkest pool. He put his phone back in his pocket and moved toward Mei Ling. "Come on, it's time to go." He mouthed over the music. Mei Ling nodded and gave the guy she had been dancing with a big hug before mouthing a bye to him. Li followed her over to the table where she quickly got her things together and said goodbye to everyone else. They started walking to the car, the music slowly fading as they moved farther and farther away from the club. "So? Did you have a nice night?" Li asked. Mei Ling smiled. "It didn't start out to well when you said you weren't coming, but yeah, it turned out okay. Thanks for dropping me at home by the way." Li nodded to her. "No problem."

Li turned on the car radio as they sped through the streets. The commercial buildings slowly faded into a more residential suburban area. They reached Mei Ling's house in a little under twenty minutes. 1am. Li needed to get home. He quickly climbed out and gave Mei Ling a hug. "Thanks again for coming. Have a nice night, and sweet dreams." She smiled softly at him before disappearing into the house. She waved to him through the window as he turned his car around and headed home, disregarding a lot of traffic laws.

The night didn't go much better. He just didn't feel like sleeping much so he spent most of the night in front of the television watching nothing in particular but in to much pain to lie down. Time flew by and it was 6am before in dragged himself into bed his eyes feeling like big swollen saucers and his brain way to tired to function properly.

AN: So I hope you liked the first chapter. It's about something I learned the hard way in my life. That even though the men in my life are so strong for me at times, and I'm really surprised they didn't just run away at the first sign of trouble, they can hurt too. A lot of the time I'm the 'cause of that pain. So yeah. This first chapter is dedicated to them for being my strength through all the hardships and sticking around, and a special dedication to my boyfriend for putting up with me these last five months.


End file.
